Demon Union Meeting

            “Ok…ok…let’s get this underway so that we can get back to what we do best.” Gemory said into the microphone, which was held by a skeleton hand attached to a podium made of human bones. “Ok, now I know some of you have been having a few issues with the new meeting schedule, but as you know, our Union is poised to lead all other Hell’s Unions in the categories of Possessions and General Calamity. We may even get at least 2nd in Pestilence or Disease. Now, I know that you guys have been working hard, but just finish out this quarter and we’ll all be rewarded.”

“Ice cream?” Seere said.

“Yes, ice cream. Moving on there will be a tutorial for those of you who need it, I’m talking to you Dennis, to improve your possessions, their duration, random weird shit and how to make a kid spin their head around without actually snapping the neck. Dennis…after killing 15 girls like this, I would have thought that you understood this by now.”

“Why can’t you call me by my evil, Christian theology, demon name?” Dennis said. He stood, dressed in a Roman toga, with olive…and a fool’s hat.

“You earn an evil demon name, Dennis, it’s not just given to you. Frank’s not worried, are you Frank.” The one called Frank nodded quietly, and resumed playing his video game. “So, take the tutorial and let’s see some improvement. Hmm?”


“Ahem…in the possession category is where our best strength is. This Union has led Hell in possessions for that last few hundred years…Dennis…if you fart again…so help me…!” Gemory fixed a stern red eye on Dennis, who stopped smiling mischievously and straightened up. “Ok…stick to the key points. Remain invisible for as long as you can, stick to young women, mostly white, but women of ethnic descent work, too.” Gemory walked over to a flaming blackboard with an illustration of a house. Using a pointer he went about emphasizing key issues in home possession.

“Make sure to open and close random doors for no reason. Here,” he pointed to the attic, “is where ominous noises are best. They hear the noises throughout the house and are often too afraid to come up the stairs. Here,” pointing to a light in the hallway, “make the lights flicker or go out…this totally freaks them out.”

Amaymon raised a clawed hand…a sigh went through the assembled demons in the room. “When I was haunting that family, I would do weird shit like intentionally walking through flour placed on the floor, blowing on someone’s shoulder….oooh…ooh…pulling a chick by her leg and running down the stairs!”

Gemory, 7 feet tall of pure sinew and muscle and wearing the guise of a lawyer, waited for Amaymon to quit patting himself on the back. “Who here knows that movies were made about Amaymon’s possession?”

All hands went up.

“See, Amaymon..WE KNOW THAT SHIT! Now stop mentioning it at every meeting.”

Amaymon looked around the room. “Fuck y’all.”

“Aren’t they going to a attach the camera to a ceiling fan in the next film?” Count on Dennis for that.

“Hahahaah! Yes, man! It was going to be a motorized rocking chair, but…”

“Look, can we get on with this? I have humans to pull pranks on.” Uval said through a yawn.

“Nobody rushes me, Uval!” Gemory said angrily. “And they’re not pranks!”

“What else would you call possessing the body of teen girls just to piss off priests on the edge of their faith?”

“Do you want out of the Union, Uval? I can bounce your ass right out of here and all your dues will be forfeit.”

“Whatever man, just get this over.”

Gemory grumbled, but trudged on. “There is a Union luncheon next week, roasted human will be served and plenty of blood for everyone. I want reports on your body invasions…detailed reports. What you did, what languages you made them speak, and photos. Take a lot of photos…especially if they were formerly pretty white women. After possession pictures of the women twisted up and in absolute agony go on the picture board. There is a prize for the demon with the most tortured looking human.”

Dennis raised his hand, “What’s the prize?”

Gemory flipped a few pieces of skin on his clipboard. “Umm, free week off with unlimited passage to Disney World.”

“Ahh…I’ve already been.”

“You might not win anyway.”

“But if I do win I’d go to a place I’ve already been.”

“Then forfeit the prize so that somebody else can go.”

“Then I won’t have a prize.”

“Dennis, take the fucking prize or not I don’t care.”

“I want a demon name as my prize.”

“You earn the name, Dennis. I just told you that.” Gemory was fast losing his patience.

“That ain’t fair man.”

“Sigh…anyone else have any business to discuss?” Gemory asked hopefully.

Amaymon looked around the group, most were not paying attention anymore, Seere’s head was rolling with his forked tongue hanging out as he snored. And whether or not Furcus was listening was not known. “Hey…I gotta ask a question…where’s Legion?”

Gemory’s brow furrowed, “Yeah…Legion…well…as you all know…he had…problems. Problems in that he had many…many…many other personalities. Well…he formed them into factions…got into a gang fight…with…um…these personalities…and beat himself unconscious. Soo…yeah…he’s out of it for a minute.”


“Alright…is there anything else?” Gemory scanned the group. “Ok, well that adjourns this meeting. Remember the tutorials, luncheon, and the details of this meeting. The minutes will be posted here and in the breakroom. Ok…let’s wreak some havoc.”


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